How to hold a dismissal conversation without stripping someone of their dignity

Dignity is more than a pleasant tone

A dismissal can be hard to take, however tactfully it is communicated. Nobody can promise a conversation free of distress. You can, however, make sure that the employee does not have to work out what they have just heard, is not embarrassed in public and has room to ask questions. Research on organisational justice distinguishes the quality of treatment from the quality of explanation. Both matter in how people judge difficult decisions, but neither can replace the decisions being sound on the merits and lawful.

Instead of saying “I’d like you to look at this positively”, focus on your actual responsibilities: communicating the decision, setting out the reasons, listening and providing information on the next steps. If the employee objects, you do not have to force them to accept the decision. You can respect the person even when you disagree: “I hear that you don’t agree with the reasons. I’ll explain them and tell you what options you have from here.” Respect shows itself in predictable conduct.

The most important part of the conversation starts before the meeting

Before inviting the employee, you need to check the grounds for the decision, the documents required, the deadlines, any mandatory consultations and the method of terminating employment. Under Polish law, termination with notice, termination by mutual agreement and termination without notice are different legal acts that cannot be treated as interchangeable. The Ministry of Family (Ministerstwo Rodziny) explains, among other things, that as a rule the employer states the reason for giving notice on a fixed-term or open-ended contract and informs the employee of their right to appeal. The procedure in each individual case should be prepared by the people responsible for HR and legal matters.

Decide who will attend the meeting, who will hand over the document, who will answer questions about entitlements and whom the employee should contact afterwards. Choose a quiet place and make sure they can maintain their privacy after the meeting, too. A decision may come as a surprise, but that need not mean organisational chaos. It is a mistake to settle on the spot terms that should have been clarified beforehand.

The decision should be clear from the very first sentences

A difficult opening tempts people into excessive politeness: “You’re a fantastic person, we really value you, but…” An opening like this sounds like praise followed suddenly by news of the dismissal, and then makes the decision harder to explain. It is better to say directly: “We have decided to terminate your employment contract with notice. I want to explain the reason and talk about what happens next.” The exact form and wording must match the actual termination procedure and the content of the documents.

Then give a short explanation that is consistent with the documents. If the reason is an organisational change, do not try to turn it into a story about the employee’s personal failings. If the grounds are a documented issue with how they have performed their duties, do not hide it behind a phrase like “a change of direction”. Once you have set out the facts, give the other person a moment of silence. They may need a moment before they can even begin to take in the next piece of information.

Anger, tears and silence are not the other person’s mistakes

When you hear “That’s unfair!”, your natural reaction as the person leading the meeting may be to fire back a series of counter-arguments. It is better to say: “I understand that’s how you see this decision. I can now explain exactly what it’s based on.” Do not claim to know how someone feels, and do not try to convince them that they will be grateful one day. This conversation is not about winning an argument but about communicating a decision clearly despite strong emotions.

If the employee cries, offer a break and let them choose whether to continue. If there is a long silence, do not fill every second with words. You might ask: “Would you prefer a short break, or shall we move on to the documents?” Keep clear boundaries: do not touch the person without an invitation, do not press for personal confessions and do not promise that the decision can be reversed if it cannot.

Do not look for comfort from the person you are dismissing

A manager may also be feeling anxiety, regret and guilt. At such times it is easy to say “I feel awful about this too” and spend several minutes talking about your own situation. The problem is that this reverses the roles: the person losing their job ends up being asked to sympathise with their manager. Even if you mean it sincerely, the weight of the situation falls first and foremost on the person who is losing their job. It is better to talk through your own emotions beforehand with HR, a colleague or someone you trust – not with the person who is leaving.

A similar mistake is shifting the blame: “HR told me to, I had no choice.” If the decision is an organisational one, call it that and take responsibility for your part in the process: “This is the employer’s decision. My role is to communicate it honestly and answer your questions as far as I’m able to.” You do not have to hide every emotion. What matters, though, is not expecting the employee being dismissed to comfort their manager.

After the meeting, focus on information, not on controlling reactions

The employee should know who they will sort out the formalities with, what documents they will receive and where to take any questions that occur to them later. Make it possible for them to get in touch calmly, but do not demand immediate confirmation that everything has been understood. At a very difficult moment, some details will not be remembered. That is why it is worth also providing the practical information in a clear written form, consistent with the documents and with company policy.

A separate message to the team should be about how work is organised, how duties are divided and how the person’s responsibilities are handed over – not an interpretation of how the departing person feels. Do not share other people’s assessments, health information or private details at the meeting. The fact that people ask “what happened?” does not release you from confidentiality. Before the meeting ends, make sure both sides know what the next steps will be.

A dignified dismissal conversation is not about softening every difficult emotion. It is about a well-prepared decision that is consistent with the documents, a clear explanation, confidentiality, the opportunity to ask questions and continued contact. A manager does not have to pretend this is good news. What they should do is make sure the person does not lose track of the formalities or the sense that they are being taken seriously.

How Empatyzer helps you rehearse a dismissal conversation

A manager is preparing for a meeting with a long-serving employee who tends to respond to stress by asking for details and questioning how the situation has been assessed. She has already checked the formal grounds for the decision with HR and a lawyer. She gives Em the context of the conversation: what must be communicated, what must not be disclosed and what questions may come up. In a conversation about a specific person, she can use the available tips on this working relationship to adjust the level of detail in her explanation and the way she shows respect. She also asks Em to help her rehearse three versions of her response: to an objection, to a long silence and to a question about the future. When she notices that she herself tends to over-explain, she uses a conversation about her own patterns to simplify her opening sentences. Based on the information she has prepared, Em helps her structure the message and choose words that suit the other person. The legal issues have already been agreed with HR. Over the following weeks, personalised micro-lessons let the manager practise setting boundaries and handling difficult meetings before she next has to lead a similar one.